The Paradigm of Sleep, Stress and Sex

According to an obscure article traced back to the fav' magazine of male homo sapiens residing in Singapore [read: Men's Health], a human's stress level has been found to be linked to many other external factors. To facilitate the understanding of what MANkind should realise about himself, here is the gist of the feature as had been published on page 16 of the January 2007 issue:

More than 43% of men will experience the physical side effects of stress in their lifetimes, including diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and back pain. But there are a number of fun solutions and stress arousals that will make his stress level soar or fall.

Listening to your fav music: -16%
Running on the treadmill for 30 mins: -17%
Mediating: -44%
Being happily married: -55%
Drinking coffee: +32%
A tight dateline: +45%
Your commute: +80%
An overbearing boss: +110%
Late nights at the office: +270%
Having sex: -15%

Hence, if you are, say, the head of the communications department in a design firm, who lives on black coffee, works longer than late nights (and through to many many brand new days), is always swamped with countless menacing datelines, you must be one super duper stressed-out man.

And so the equation goes like this:
Stress Level of You Poor Chap (insert name) in one normal day
= 32 (coffee) + 270 (late nights) + 110 (loss of control) - 16 (Jay Chow's songs) - 55 (wife and 2 kids)
= 341%

To even out the stress, you need to loosen up and turn your attention to things you enjoy
= 341 / 15 (playing with birds and bees)
= 22.73 (to 2 decimal places)
= 23 (to the next whole number)

This means you need to have 23 times of S-E-X per day to balance out your accumulated stress.

Estimated Time taken to De-Stress
= 23 x 3 mins each
= 69 mins of hard work

Extra time for Rest In Between De-stressing Exercises (No normal being has the sheer physical strength to continue 'n whack non-stop)
= 22 x 5 mins break in between
= 110 mins

Total time taken to destress for a day's work
= 110 + 69
= 179 mins
= 2.983 hours
= 3 hours (rounded off)

Time to unwind for every three late nights in a week,
= 3 x 3 hours
= 9 hours


Therefore, for the described Singaporean man in the above example, you have to spend up to 9 hours every week just to overcome the total stress you accumulate in a typical 5-work-day week.


Think about this, a 9-hour sex marathon will definitely be tiring - but worth the effort to keep yourself in the pinkest of health. Is this any less beneficial than sleep can do to revitalise the body?

Now that you have been through the mind-whirling blast of Sex in the City phenomenon, and having worked out the mathematical and fun step to destressing, who will want to go to sleep so frequently now that another solution is readily available?